Anything for a Friend. . .

  Supposedly, it was my best friend's grandmother's last Christmas.  She was getting old and sick, and no one thought she would survive another year.  She was always so disappointed in my friend George because he never had a girlfriend in his life time.  In order that his grandmother would not die while disappointed, he begged me, his friend Tom, to help him out.

  "Please, it will just be for the holidays while my family's staying at my parents' house!"

  "The entire holidays?  That's usually like two weeks!  I'd be living as a chick, your slam-piece, for two whole weeks?  You've got to be kidding me!"

  "Dude, please.  Don't worry!  I'll uh. . . sleep on the floor in the guest room!  I won't watch you change! Err. . . it's just for show!"

  As he said this, he also pulled out a wad of cash.

  "This is also all for you if you finish the whole two weeks. . . "

  "What, I'm a whore now too?!  For that money I feel like you'll start to expect stuff from me!"

  "Again, just take the pill, there really are no strings."

                                                                         ***
  Fast forward to the holidays.  We're half way through George's visit to see the family and show of his new girlfriend, me, to Grandma.
  Everyone was so excited, especially the women of the family, that they took me shopping, saying I needed help with my style.  This was true, as I'm actually a man and just bought a bunch of cheap stuff from the re-sale shop that didn't really match.
  Things got weird when George's sisters found out I didn't have any lingerie.  They literally couldn't believe it.  So, one of our first stops at the mall was for me to get something to "surprise my man" Christmas Eve.
  Please help!