Security for my Sister

  After my sister (right) got mugged a few weeks ago, she didn't feel safe going out with her girlfriends anymore.  She took a break from going out for a while until I offered to go with her sometime to protect her.

  "How am I going to find hot guys if my dorky older brother is following me around?"  She asked.

  "Come on, it will be good for me, you know I don't usually get out of the house much.  No one will bother you with me around."

  "Alright, but we do have to do something about how you look."

  "What do you mean?"

  That's when she pulled up one of the skinsuit ordering websites.  I rolled my eyes as she customized an image on the app of what would end up being what I looked like Friday night.  Blonde hair, smooth skin, high cheekbones, my sister was obviously projecting her beauty standards learned from mindlessly scrolling Instagram.

  "If you think I'm wearing that you're crazy."

  "Mom and Dad said that they'll buy you new computer parts if you do it."

  "Hmm. . . I mean I guess. . ."

  Here's the picture we took that night before we met up with her other girlfriends at an apartment to pregame.  The thing was so tight it hurt at first, but soon it felt natural.  Even peeing was easy.

  My sister told me (left) that if I didn't blow my cover, I might end up going home with one of her friends who was lesbian.  She had been texting that friend all week about her "new lesbian friend" that she would bring out with her. . .